So, Jeannie, whom I love for reasons much deeper than her generosity and thoughtfulness, gave me her bus pass for the weekend, since she won’t be needing it. And, I feel I owe it to her or the pass or myself or the universe to take ALL the buses ALL the places.
Like, I need to travel the city and learn all its secrets via public transportation before this magical pass expires.
I’ll probably just use it for the rest of my work transport needs and to maybe go to stores. Unless I get super pumped about it and have a downtown excursion.
I’m just sitting at work thinking of all the things I could do.
a post about my life (specifically for Nenny but all are free to read obvi)
I’m a college dropout. I went for four years. I have a loaded semester’s worth of credits between me and a BS in Family and Consumer Sciences. I also have negative funds to continue my schooling. So, I’m on an educational sabbatical.
Ideally, I’m studying with the objective to create a curriculum to teach impoverished heads of household necessary job and life skills to manage resources in the home and market themselves for employment. Until very recently, I expected to end up doing so under the label of a social worker. However, with the internet as readily available as it is, even to those without home computers, I’m reconsidering my approach to potentially be a web-based program.
In the mean time, I work at the bank. It’s nice to be employed, but it’s not what I want to be doing. And, their understandably strict procedural policies have me constantly on edge. I’m not sure how much longer I’ll last there, to be honest.
My internet endeavors usually start out with good intentions of projecting myself and end up with me pouring over the projections of others (yourself included!), in awe and admiration mixed with a little bit of jealousy. I actually used to be all about blogging, back in the days of Xanga. I broke into the YouTube scene, completely unprepared, when I was sixteen. I posted twelve or so videos and got a crap ton of views, but I relied on viewer suggestions for my videos and ended up with embarrassing claims to relative fame. I took all those videos down. My attempts since have been rather disappointing, with the exception of VYou. I intend to remedy that.
My self-esteem’s recently been under examination, too. Generally, I’d say I’m actually pretty confident. Lately, I’ve wavered some. That is, I normally think rather well of myself and disregard negative opinions of others but suddenly I’ve been internalizing others’ negativity. I’m working on that. Trying my hand at sticking to regular exercise, for the added benefit of endorphins.
I have a betta fish, Malachi. He used to be much more active and entertaining. Now he just eats and looks pretty. He’s cool, though.
My parents are divorced, too. The divorce actually just finalized, this past December. I was glad. Their relationship was toxic. Mom remarried in February. I live with her and Rick. It’s not the most harmonious living arrangement. Verbal/emotional abuse are commonplace. I’ve considered living with my dad, but he and I don’t know how to talk. He misinterprets silence for contempt. I had the opportunity to live with my sister and her husband and kids, if I wanted to go to college in New Jersey and become a nanny. Aunt Nenny, the nanny. That might’ve been a good life choice, but my mind about school was made up. My sister’s remarkably normal. Perfect, really. I think that’s how she coped with mom divorcing her dad. She became an extreme overachiever. She’s technically my half sister. Mom’s on her third marriage. Yeah. Enough family nonsense.
I’d love to find a full-time job. I’m desperate to move out. I thrive, when I’m left home alone. Part of me would be beyond thrilled to live in an entire house by myself. I feel like that’s so far away, though. I don’t drive. I can’t ride a bike. I’m trapped by public transportation, student loans, and a lack of full-time job offers.
I’m optimistic, though. I know my circumstances are temporary. I’m saving what little money I can. I’m inching forward, but progress is progress.
I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…
P.S. You totally don’t know this, but you’re pretty much the reason I have a boyfriend right now. I realize how odd that is, but I found your positivity about OKCupid intriguing. Intrigue —> investigation —> conversation —> friendship —> relationship. True story. :)
O.O I’m scared.
Living in a row home, it’s not unusual to hear odd sounds and assume your neighbors are weird or have a pet. And, that’s usually my default assumption at strange hours.
This sound started off that way. But then it started sounding like there might be a squirrel in my closet. Like, not even just a mouse. A squirrel.
What do I do, if there’s a squirrel in my closet? I have visions of mutual panic and squirrel attacks.
I’m freaking out.This is not the motivation I wanted to clean my room.
pressednotoppressed replied to your post: pressednotoppressed replied to your post: * © ^ ◊…Brace yourself. I’ll fill you in, after I’ve finished changing and baking a bread. 0.0
I’d like to state, for the record, that it hasn’t taken me this long to change and bake bread. Church and things snuck up on me. Apologies.
“so tell me about your life :3”
Such an open question grants me a great deal of liberty in answering. >:)
I fancy presenting myself in the style of Jean-Pierre Jeunet a la Amélie. That is, in the third person, with a backdrop of
poignant pertinent moments from my life, set to Yann Tiersen’s music, and in concise statements regarding my origins, likes, and dislikes:
“Nenny is a part-time bank teller with mediocre talents in a variety of trades. She dislikes preconceived notions, marshmallows, and perspiration. She likes hair dye, kindred spirits, and 80’s movies.”
Yes. This pleases me. But there’s a lot more to me, of course. I toyed with the idea of vomiting my entire life story here, but that’s gross, on multiple levels. There’s a lot of junk in my life. Family junk, mostly.
“In such a dead world,
Amélie Nenny prefers to dream until she’s old enough to leave home.”
I promise I don’t relate everything to Amélie. Although, I do cycle through catchphrases and quotes more often than I search for unique things to say. >_>
I half wanted to start out with the Fresh Prince theme. But, I was born and raised in North East Philadelphia, and that doesn’t flow as well.
I was born, fams stuff, made friends, had pets, switched schools, high school, college, job. Yes. Also, I art. I interviewed for and was accepted to the creative and performing arts high school, but I decided I wanted to go to an academically challenging school instead. I always wanted a cat, but as long as I live with my mother, I’ll never own one. More stuff.
I’m still sorting me out. I’m certain that’s a lifelong process with lots more awkward.
Yes. Now, you? :}
From passing thought to considerable reflection, I’ve come to the conclusion that I was Stockholmed into embracing hugs.
:} Embracing hugs.
Honestly, though. I never had a problem hugging certain people, but the idea of hugging just anybody used to make me wicked uncomfortable. Oddly enough, Jesse kind of took it upon himself to break me of that. I don’t think he knew just how awfully uncomfortable it made me. At least, I tell myself that to keep it from bothering me.
You don’t really get much of a choice about hugging, when you’re hugged. It’s not like the mutual, walking toward one another with open arms, type hug. It’s someone suddenly
encompassing engulfing you, and it’s terrifying. Especially as a short person.
In time, though, you become accustomed to it and eventually you enjoy it. Stockholm syndrome.